Things I Wish My Mother Taught Me

I wouldn't say that I was privileged in having good relationship role models. Growing up, the only consistent person I had around was my mom. And after my dad left, my mom became a different person. She unwillingly showed me that her happiness depended on another person, and it wasn't something her children could provide. I don't blame her, I never have. I know that she became the person she did, because she felt that she had too. Or maybe she felt that she didn't have another choice, I'm not sure. I know that she never intended to take the path she did, but everyone heads down many unplanned paths for various reasons. 

When I was young, I can remember watching my mom as she would put her all into a person, and in the end they would simply destroy her, piece by piece, little by little. They would waltz in and out of her life, without so much as a blink of an eye. She would latch onto them, sort of how a child clings to their security blanket. And she wouldn't let go, until she had no other choice but too. My mom had a difficult time knowing her worth, no matter how many times I found myself holding her hand in mine and telling her how beautiful of a person she was, and still is.

All through my youth, I thought that my mom's relationships, were how it was supposed to be. She would give and give pieces of herself to people, in hopes that they would stick around. And then she'd be wrecked when they left, because she felt that a piece of her happiness had left as well. I've learned that each relationship is different, people may come and go. But that your happiness doesn't need to dissipate each time someone exits your life. 

I wish my mother had taught me that I do NOT need to depend on another person for my happiness. I wish she had taught me to be more strong willed and independent. To put myself first, because in order to create happiness for others, I need to create it for myself first. Although she did not teach me these, it does not mean that I have not learned them. I feel more secure in the person I am, and still becoming with each passing day, and for that, I thank her. Because she has shown me that you are constantly growing and evolving, and that as long as you don't limit yourself, you can continue to learn what you need to become a better YOU.