The Greatest Man I Ever Knew

The greatest man I ever knew had grey hair and big cheeks that held his cheshire grin.

And at the age of 5, he was the first person I thought of when I was asked what home smelt like. 

I remember him always watching the birds, 

his binoculars held up to his eyes, his bird book on his knee.

He would tell me about all the different kinds as I looked I up at him with wonder. 

I remember him teaching me to make the dove sound, 

and as the years have passed, even that memory has faded.

But I can still hear the sound of his voice,

especially when I remember him reading to me as I sat on his lap. 

Each and every time I watch the sun dip behind the mountains, 

I think of you

how we used to take walks around the neighborhood,

when we used to make Christmas cookies every year,

and how you were the first man I ever looked up too. 

I'll never be able to thank you for all the memories

or the amount of love you gave me.

But I know that you know,

Especially on days where a dove flies past my window. 

I love you endlessly Papa. Thank you for showing me what a man truly is. Thinking of you always. xoxo

A Letter to Myself

Sometimes writing to myself directly is the only way to get through this thick skull of mine. Like the rest of us, I am human. So, my self doubt stops by for a visit, regularly. In order to kick him out, I have to be more direct then kindly asking him to exit the parts of my brain that have succumb to his negativity. I have to call myself out and put myself front and center and tell myself exactly what I need to hear, even if I don't realize it. Sometimes it's just what I need. 

Dear Melanie,

You deserve each and every star in the sky. I'm not kidding. And the minute you realize this to be true, the lighter you will feel. Don't you deserve to be happy? Fuck, we all deserve to be happy! We're placed on this large marble for an unknown number of years, and most of us spend that time just trying to figure it all out. We don't know what we're doing. We just give it our best shot along the way, making countless mistakes and stepping on toes, trying to make our way to the front, to that we can reach that one, universal goal, happiness. 

You will meet enough people in your life that don't want you to be happy. Some will veer you off course, sending you on a detour, and some will stop you in your tracks for sometime before you get the courage to pick up the rest of you and continue on. You'll meet enough of these people, so why allow yourself to be one of them? 

Stop talking yourself out of all the goodness in your life. Embrace it instead. Some of it can be hard to wrap your head around, this I know. But when you come to know your worth, it's that much easier to understand the goodness in your life and why you deserve it. 

So, let him love you without you asking why or how. Just love him back as fiercely. Let your sister tell you how great she thinks you are without your confusion as to why she thinks so. Maybe she sees something in you that you don't, yet. Let yourself be appreciated for all that you are. Because we all deserve to just that.  

Start realizing that to some, you exude light, and those are the ones you're supposed to hold onto with clenched fists, not keep an arms' length away. 

Just choose to accept and give love without barriers. You owe it to yourself, and the universe may thank you for it. 

Love,

Yourself

That being said, I hope that you choose to lift yourself up always, but especially when self doubt creeps in. Know you deserve to feel light and airy and free, always. xoxo.