Remember, You're Human

I'm trying to find who I am. Beneath the flesh and bone, beneath the self-doubt and insecurities. As I become more confident in my skin and in the person I am becoming, I am growing closer to the person I am meant to be.

But even now, I have days where I'm harder on myself than I deserve.

"You're feeling too much. You're overthinking it. You're being too nice."

The definition of too is a higher degree than is desirable, permissible, or possible; excessively. 

I read those words and immediately think why. Why is feeling "too" much, or being "too" nice viewed negatively? When did these become bad traits to possess?

They're not negative qualities, not in my book. They're what make me who I am. They are what set me apart from the rest. I'd rather do too much, be too much, feel too much. Always. Because who am I if I'm not too much? Just enough? Mediocre? I'm so much more than that. So much more.

I want less days where I am hard on myself. I want them to be few and far between, especially when it comes to characteristics that make me more of who I am. So, I'll stick to feeling everything, and being considered far too nice at times.

Because I am human. And I tend to forget that. While I'm trying to find out who I am beneath my skin, I need to remember that I'm still human, regardless of my search within.

It's Okay to Be Selfish

It's okay to be selfish. It's okay to be selfish. It's okay to be selfish. 

The truth within that sentence is overwhelming. It's a sentence that I've been trying to use more, but sometimes it just gets lost in the midst of my thoughts. It normally comes back to me after I've already gone through the motions of feeling guilty over a choice I made that didn't benefit someone else, a choice that benefit ME. But, you want to know a secret? 

Putting yourself first is okay. 

No, it's better than okay. 

It's great. 

It's freeing. 

It's necessary. 

Finding the balance between selflessness and selfishness is something that I've always struggled with. I want to do everything with selflessness, but how do I do that while still making myself a main priority and not feel bad about it?

The simple answer, you just choose to do so.

It's a choice. A choice as simple as deciding to go to the gym. Deciding is the easy part, but remaining committed is the real struggle. 

Telling myself, "It's okay to be selfish," is the same thing. Deciding that I want to believe in this fully is one thing, but choosing to reflect it in my everyday life is the challenge, but one that I willingly accepted. 

Putting myself first is no longer as hard as I thought it was. I wake up knowing that the choices I make are what's best for me. Because at the end of the day, that's whose in my corner. Me. Being happy with your choices and your decisions is a good feeling, one that can only be understood if you're riding the same wave, and I really hope you are. It reminds me of the calm I feel when I look out over the ocean. Tranquility.